It all started of in the month of October. The feeling of living in a world where everything seems with no rights and wrongs, inferiority of inconsequential life. Piling up issues on top of issues, problems on top of problems, until the last finale staged on 19th October which nearly brought me down and almost make me feels that life is no longer meaningful, and fatally destructive.

It is interesting to see how much I took the pain and suffer throughout the entire 3-week where I find it difficult to live passionately, fruitfully and relentlessly for the God whom I supposed to believe in. So difficult to worship, so difficult to live in the joy I used to believe in. I fall into sin, doing things that is absolutely the opposite of Job. Instead of standing right in Him, I chose to dwell in the pit of hate, anger and the refusal of forgiving.

I still remember the heart-aching moment I had during my uni days, as the exact same moment God reminded me of how I should live in moment of difficult times. Today, God again reminded of Job, to be living right in moments of suffering. How many of us would be willing to live right, instead of surrendering ourselves to lust, anger, hatred and refuse to surrender fully to the one utmost high?

Dear friends, I'm back and no longer willing to waste all my thoughts in unfruitful matters. Thank you for being there when I need you most.

One lesson I learnt. There's no necessity of keeping all the past memories into a hidden closet, as I finally understand the meaning forgive but not forget. Though I wouldn't say I will cheerish the past, but I'm very sure with the past it will be a meaningful future - where the beauty of the future lies beyond our description, in Christ alone.

A song sparked my thoughts, click here to listen.

Labels: 2008, me