black for a reason

Looking back...

Friday, October 29, 2004

It's 3pm. Much work on hand, but yet undone. Recently I have been struggling much in concentrating myself to the over flowing workload that is upon me. Summing up the situation, I am just not in the right mood to work. Not saying that I am an emotional type of person, but just that I am having much thoughts of many decisions that I going to make this month, or next, particulary November.

Looking back, I really thank God that I have made the right decision in many things that if I don't, I wouldn't be who I am today. It's been really being in a very difficult situation last June, when my first degree result was put on hold by the university for some arbitrary reason. At that time, there's very high probablity that I would be rejected to conduct my master's research on July. I was at the edge of doubting my decision to do research after my first degree. Nevertheless, God has make it in such a way that, I was given a conditional entry for my research, assumming I do achieve the requirements set by them.

Now it's soon November, I am now soon to complete my first semester in my research. This auspicious occasion doesn't come just like that. Just few weeks before, I was given a total rejection of my research proposal. Yeah, totally. At that time, I really thought (again) that maybe I made a mistake of taking this step of faith, and face the ultimate consequence. Yet, God has been very merciful to me. In the midst of dissapointed and even depression, God has shed light upon me regarding of my research field. Without realising it, somehow each day I succesfully obtain and receive many solid and useful data for my topic. Not only that, I was given the wisdom to even able to identify the uncovered area of the topic I am persuing. I always thought, it was impossible. Yet in God, everything is possible.

Recently I have been email corresponding with Richard S. Hall, a well-respected person in the field of study which I am currently undertaking. He has pointed out many useful hints and information that leads me to my confirmation of my research topic last week. I am very grateful for his kindness and willingness in helping me to understand many concepts of OSGi (Alright... that is my field of study, and I will not explain in detail what is OSGi :D So you don't need to complain alright ;). To show my gratitude, I invited him to join the infamous GMail. I am sure he's exploring his GMail account now ;)

I will be presenting my topic to both of my supervisory committee (Prof. Borhan and Dr. Dzahar) this coming Monday.

Thank you Lord, for guiding me along this path. Indeed, we can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they are good for us - they help us learn to endure. And endurance develops strength of character in us, and character strengthens our confident expectation of salvation. And this expectation will not disappoint us. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love. (Romans 5:3-5, NLT)

Recently, just few days back, I was struck with this group named F.I.R., and really, I am addicted to it. Maybe, it is because their songs reflect my recent mixed of feelings.



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